Stream of bears.

I had originally thought to make this blog a stream of consciousness type deal. I felt like it would help me process a little and it would also serve as an example of how I've been feeling lately. Stressed, overwhelmed, slightly hopeful, angry, hurt, expectant, forgiven, thankful...a whole host of emotions that have culminated into me being a little sensitive and feeling very lost most of the time. The photo describing Surge, Ashleigh and Justin's cat is indicative of...me. Be careful of what emotions may come out.

The things on my desk right now are my camera, my phone, my ipod, a post it note with a lawyer's number on it and the word "accident," a precious card from my friend Bethany, and a black mocha stout that I just finished along with a slice of veggie pizza from Whole Foods. The pizza guy was a little sloppy and gave me a slice too big for the box which made the pizza stick out and that irritated my perfectionist tendencies. It also made the top of the box come open in the car which was kind of annoying.



I think the highlight of the weekend, amidst the trying times of orchestrating life without a car, was when I left my brother's apartment this morning to walk to Starbucks and a random cabdriver said, "Excuse me lady, do you speak Spanish?" I think I probably scared him with how excitedly I ran to the car, "Si!" I practically shouted. Apparently his client didn't speak English and he needed to get to Cary. I think I helped them at least figure out what two roads were involved in the destination and what the name of the apartment complex was. I feel like that small incident was just a reminder of how much I love the Spanish language and how much I want to be using it right now. Watching telenovelas isn't cutting it. Maybe that's what life is. A main question with a vague answer and then a continuous journey of trying to reach the destination.

Details.

Details make things beautiful...an antique broach on a corduroy blazer, the paprika on my grandmother's mashed potato casserole, the swirls on my dad's homemade fudge, the cinnamon sticks in the apple cider. Every detail in life comes with extra effort and sometimes I think it's easy to let the details in our own life fall by the way side.

Details in language have been such a struggle over the past three months. Making sure to use the right preposition, the right gender, the most appropriate word, the most appropriate expression... Every morning I am thankful for the opportunity to learn and practice all day and am definitely sad that today was my last day of classes. Now the effort will be all on me. I have to seek out places to volunteer, take time to study, write to friends, apply to schools. Figure out the details of HOW to get to the next level.

Eres lo que tu mas profundo deseo es, como es tu deseo es tu voluntad, como es tu voluntad, son tus actos, como son tus actos, sera tu destino.

A moment with the fam.

The other day I shared a moment with a member of my tica family. This woman and I are on very superficial terms that include: "Buenos dias, hasta luego, como amenecio, and buenas noches." I actually don't know her name or her relation to the family. I think she's my "dad's" sister and her name is Virginia but I wouldn't swear on that. Anyway, sidenote - I love her style. She always wears cute headbands, great sweaters and mustard-colored shirts with grandma frills.

So one night I was sitting at the dinner table by myself and there was a huge platano (big banana) on the table. "Virginia" picked it up to move it and it fell out of her hands and banged the table with the most ferocious noise. For some reason it struck me as hilarious and decided to tell her it was like her weapon. Virginia, in turn, thought that was great and we both died laughing. Like a real laugh. I'm laughing just thinking about it. So she started pretending like she was shooting her brother with it and told the whole family that I called it a weapon.

So, I experienced my first inside joke with the "great aunt" and my first real joke in Spanish that even I appreciated.

Finally an aguacero.

I am currently enjoying the beautiful sound of an aguacero. It's chilly but cozy because of my cup of coffee and the fact that I feel like "all's well in the world" right now. I find myself wanting to use Spanish phrases with English speakers and English phrases with Spanish speakers but I think that's the nature of learning a language.

One month is over and I feel like it has been a hard one. It's hard to get to know people for a month knowing that they will leave to go back to the U.S. or Europe after their stint at language school. It's hard to know what to focus on and how to prioritize my time with people. My "family" from last year is so far away, but it is in my heart to see them at least once a week. I went to Los Anonos last weekend and was able to connect with some people from last year. That made my heart happy. As did how well Biscuit remembered me.

My daily routine:
-Wake up around 5:45 a.m....lay in bed until 6:15.
-Get ready.
-Read my Bible.
-Eat breakfast (usually it's a plate of pineapple, a banana and a small amount of watermelon because my tica family knows I like pineapple more than watermelon).
-Take the bus to school.
-Get on the computers and catch up on emails.
-Class from 9-12.
-Eat lunch, usually with Christina, Kirk or Sandro.
-Class from 1-2.
-Advanced (yes, advanced!) dance class at 3 p.m. SALSA!
-Hang around school and then take the bus home...
-Dinner around 6 p.m., using the Spanish phrases for "No, I'm too full - thank you, though! No, no more soup, thank you! Mmmm, I don't know why I didn't eat the rice. I am full."
-Go out to get a drink with classmates OR watch TV with house siblings, listen to my new Bright Eyes mix CD and read Atlas Shrugged.

New things in C.R.

Disclaimer for all blogs in Costa Rica: the keyboards are usually slightly crazy so I may or may not be able to find apostrophes, depending on which one Im using.

I arrived in San Jose last Thursday. Ive experienced a broad range of emotions, as usual, when it comes to unknowns and change. This time around is totally different. I may as well be in a new country, except for the nice comfort of knowing a few people here. But I am definitely very alone this time...there is no Rebecca Dunning to process with, no Biscuit to distract me and no Internet in the house, much less a Vonage phone to connect with people. There ARE, however, new people to meet, Spanish to speak and new buses to ride...multiple ways to be misunderstood and homemade Tico food to eat.

The things Ive learned in my first week:
1. Homemade que que seco is FAR better than getting it from a restaurant.
2. Cold showers are miserable.
3. Pejibayes (pictured above) are a super food, cheap and I really really like them (sin mayo).
4. Movies at the San Pedro mall are 2 for 1 on Wednesdays.
5. If a taxi driver doesnt know where you live when you give him your address, dont let him take you.

Snap shot.

Food: Coffee, oatmeal, banana, plum, spinach salad with black beans and corn, Lara bar, PB+Ezekiel bread, curry couscous+tomatoes+basil+fried green tomatoes, zucchini muffin, wine, almonds.

Miles:
2

Good times:
1) Drinking coffee this morning on the porch
2) Reading books to Emery and Riley
3) Eating dinner with Christa, Bekah and Donald
4) Talking to May on the phone

Tomorrow:
* Work out
* Continue going through my clothes
* Celebrate Kristen's birthday at Satisfaction
* Spend QT with bekahchristarileyemeryjackrowan
* Be quiet

Me unedited.

So tonight I'm totally frustrated because I can't freaking go to sleep. I tried winding down at 9:30 ish in the hopes that I would be able to enjoy 7.5 blissful hours of sleep from the hours of 11-6:30. But no, I am still awake and it's 12:15 a.m. I've checked facebook a trillion times, written some emails, read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and, let's be honest, have been thinking (aka worrying) about things in my life.

I may have also had an iced cappuccino at 3 p.m. Not a good idea but it was sooo delicious.

So, what am I worried about? Here's the short list:

1) Worried about finances. On the bright side, I have awesome parents who've let me live with them and eat their food. On the down side, I'm going to Costa Rica in less than 3 weeks and don't have as much money as I'd hoped. The actual trip should be ok...it's the coming back that's not looking so great. I guess I shouldn't have eaten so many dinners from the Whole Foods hot bar.

2) I am really fed up with the theory of He's Just Not That Into You. Granted, the only reason I'm fed up is because the guy I speak of is apparently just not that into me. (See Chapter 1: He's Just Not That Into You if he's not calling you). Another reason this is soooo irritating is because I feel like it's always the guy I like who's not into me. The lawn and garden care worker at ROSES can be into me and ask for my number and ask, "How come you're single?" And the guy who I wish would could call me DOESN'T. Thanks, life.

3) I don't know if I have a third thing to bitch about right now. That's my short list. It may not seem like much but because I can't sleep these things tend to get blown out of proportion. I guess I could list my fears of Costa Rica:

Fear 1: That it will be awkward since my "host family" is actually just one woman who lives alone. Imagine us eating every meal together having small talk and not listening to precious Tico child Spanish that fills in awkward silences.

Fear 2: That I will gain another freshman 15 from Costa Rica because my host mom is a pastry chef.

Fear 3: That I will spend thousands of colones on taxis because I don't have a car and am too afraid to ride the bus at night.

Fear 4: That I will have no social life and won't have any need of taxis because I'll be alone every night reading.

Fear 5: That I won't learn enough Spanish and my life savings will be spent for no reason.

Hmm....that about covers it. Now I will go lay back in my bed in the hopes that this was therapeutic and I will go to sleep in no less than 10 minutes. And that blog spot will stop deleting my paragraphs every time I try to publish this.