H1N1 has not won.

I wanted to write about my experience with swine flu, a.k.a. H1N1 virus earlier this week when I was in the throws of the sickness. Funny how incredibly uninspired one can be while under the influence of a 101 degree fever. So now I will take the time to reflect as this is the second day without a fever and I'm feeling the need to be productive again.



It all started on Sunday morning when I woke up. My forehead was seeping heat and I had this weird, tight cough that was half-hearted and unproductive. I layed around all day thinking it would go away. It didn't. So I texted a co-worker to see if he could fill in for me but he was helping his girlfriend move (precious). So...I went to work.


After work I realized how much energy had been sapped out of me. I checked my messages and listened to one from my mom. "Just checking to see how you feel! And by the way, I think you have swine flu because your symptoms sound like the ones on the CDC Web site!"


Great, thanks Mom. I went home and proceeded to tell her that I don't have swine flu and I don't appreciate her making me a hypochondriac like herself. The next morning I felt even worse and agreed to go to the "minute clinic" like a poor person because I don't have health insurance. The woman at CVS was chipper and kind, but after hearing my symptoms basically refused to diagnose me. She said to go to Urgent Care.


At Urgent Care I was humbled even more when signs everywhere asked people to wear a mask if they had flu symptoms. I wore a mask. And after I saw the nurse and the doctor (who was super nice), he said, "Do you want the bad news or the good news?"


"Ummm, it doesn't matter." I'm sick, Mr.! Don't play games with me.


"No, you have to choose! That's how the game is played."


"Mm, ok, the bad news." Never choose that option first.


"Ok, well the bad news is you have the swine flu!" He seems so nonchalant about it. I sit there in my hoodie, hunched over like an invalid.


"You're kidding."

"Nope. But it's ok. We're not going to test you or give you any antivirals. Those are only given to people 65 years old and up. You should be fine in about seven days. The good news is that you won't get it this fall when it mutates and gets worse!"


That was the beginning of my seven day quarantine. What followed was a fever haze, moving from the couch downstairs to my bed to the couch upstairs, a lot of movies and being served vegetables and beans from my mom.


And now I'm finally feeling better. I seriously can't wait to be out in the world again.

Nugget of wisdom.

I'm reading a book recommended to me by Becca D. It's called Reaching Out by Henri J.M. Nouwen and I am absolutely loving it. Granted, I like books that have "steps" to achieving something and this book isn't like that but I'm getting a lot of nuggets out of it. My favorite part so far is in the section Reaching Out to Our Innermost Self. Rainer Maria Rilke is answering someone's question of, "should I be a poet?" His response is:

"You are looking outward and that above all you should not do now. Nobody can counsel and help you, nobody. There is only one single way. Go into yourself. Search for the reason that bids you to write; find out whether it is spreading out its roots in the deepest places of your heart, acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it were denied you to write. This above all-ask yourself in the stilled hour of your night: must I write? Delve into yourself for a deep answer. And if this should be affirmative, if you may meet this earnest question with a strong and simple "I must," then build your life according to this necessity..."

How beautiful is that? I feel like I've always struggled with the question, "what should I do with my life?" I am totally NOT where I thought I'd be at 25.5 years but that's not a bad thing. I have never felt more in tune with myself and God as I have the past two years. I still have a long way to go but I know that having the answer within my reach is a reality. One thing I know is that Spanish is something I must do. I know it with a sense of strength and motivation and a little bit of fear mixed in. And I am so thankful that God is giving me the ability to make it happen, whatever "it' will look like in the future.