New things in C.R.

Disclaimer for all blogs in Costa Rica: the keyboards are usually slightly crazy so I may or may not be able to find apostrophes, depending on which one Im using.

I arrived in San Jose last Thursday. Ive experienced a broad range of emotions, as usual, when it comes to unknowns and change. This time around is totally different. I may as well be in a new country, except for the nice comfort of knowing a few people here. But I am definitely very alone this time...there is no Rebecca Dunning to process with, no Biscuit to distract me and no Internet in the house, much less a Vonage phone to connect with people. There ARE, however, new people to meet, Spanish to speak and new buses to ride...multiple ways to be misunderstood and homemade Tico food to eat.

The things Ive learned in my first week:
1. Homemade que que seco is FAR better than getting it from a restaurant.
2. Cold showers are miserable.
3. Pejibayes (pictured above) are a super food, cheap and I really really like them (sin mayo).
4. Movies at the San Pedro mall are 2 for 1 on Wednesdays.
5. If a taxi driver doesnt know where you live when you give him your address, dont let him take you.

Snap shot.

Food: Coffee, oatmeal, banana, plum, spinach salad with black beans and corn, Lara bar, PB+Ezekiel bread, curry couscous+tomatoes+basil+fried green tomatoes, zucchini muffin, wine, almonds.

Miles:
2

Good times:
1) Drinking coffee this morning on the porch
2) Reading books to Emery and Riley
3) Eating dinner with Christa, Bekah and Donald
4) Talking to May on the phone

Tomorrow:
* Work out
* Continue going through my clothes
* Celebrate Kristen's birthday at Satisfaction
* Spend QT with bekahchristarileyemeryjackrowan
* Be quiet

Me unedited.

So tonight I'm totally frustrated because I can't freaking go to sleep. I tried winding down at 9:30 ish in the hopes that I would be able to enjoy 7.5 blissful hours of sleep from the hours of 11-6:30. But no, I am still awake and it's 12:15 a.m. I've checked facebook a trillion times, written some emails, read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and, let's be honest, have been thinking (aka worrying) about things in my life.

I may have also had an iced cappuccino at 3 p.m. Not a good idea but it was sooo delicious.

So, what am I worried about? Here's the short list:

1) Worried about finances. On the bright side, I have awesome parents who've let me live with them and eat their food. On the down side, I'm going to Costa Rica in less than 3 weeks and don't have as much money as I'd hoped. The actual trip should be ok...it's the coming back that's not looking so great. I guess I shouldn't have eaten so many dinners from the Whole Foods hot bar.

2) I am really fed up with the theory of He's Just Not That Into You. Granted, the only reason I'm fed up is because the guy I speak of is apparently just not that into me. (See Chapter 1: He's Just Not That Into You if he's not calling you). Another reason this is soooo irritating is because I feel like it's always the guy I like who's not into me. The lawn and garden care worker at ROSES can be into me and ask for my number and ask, "How come you're single?" And the guy who I wish would could call me DOESN'T. Thanks, life.

3) I don't know if I have a third thing to bitch about right now. That's my short list. It may not seem like much but because I can't sleep these things tend to get blown out of proportion. I guess I could list my fears of Costa Rica:

Fear 1: That it will be awkward since my "host family" is actually just one woman who lives alone. Imagine us eating every meal together having small talk and not listening to precious Tico child Spanish that fills in awkward silences.

Fear 2: That I will gain another freshman 15 from Costa Rica because my host mom is a pastry chef.

Fear 3: That I will spend thousands of colones on taxis because I don't have a car and am too afraid to ride the bus at night.

Fear 4: That I will have no social life and won't have any need of taxis because I'll be alone every night reading.

Fear 5: That I won't learn enough Spanish and my life savings will be spent for no reason.

Hmm....that about covers it. Now I will go lay back in my bed in the hopes that this was therapeutic and I will go to sleep in no less than 10 minutes. And that blog spot will stop deleting my paragraphs every time I try to publish this.

H1N1 has not won.

I wanted to write about my experience with swine flu, a.k.a. H1N1 virus earlier this week when I was in the throws of the sickness. Funny how incredibly uninspired one can be while under the influence of a 101 degree fever. So now I will take the time to reflect as this is the second day without a fever and I'm feeling the need to be productive again.



It all started on Sunday morning when I woke up. My forehead was seeping heat and I had this weird, tight cough that was half-hearted and unproductive. I layed around all day thinking it would go away. It didn't. So I texted a co-worker to see if he could fill in for me but he was helping his girlfriend move (precious). So...I went to work.


After work I realized how much energy had been sapped out of me. I checked my messages and listened to one from my mom. "Just checking to see how you feel! And by the way, I think you have swine flu because your symptoms sound like the ones on the CDC Web site!"


Great, thanks Mom. I went home and proceeded to tell her that I don't have swine flu and I don't appreciate her making me a hypochondriac like herself. The next morning I felt even worse and agreed to go to the "minute clinic" like a poor person because I don't have health insurance. The woman at CVS was chipper and kind, but after hearing my symptoms basically refused to diagnose me. She said to go to Urgent Care.


At Urgent Care I was humbled even more when signs everywhere asked people to wear a mask if they had flu symptoms. I wore a mask. And after I saw the nurse and the doctor (who was super nice), he said, "Do you want the bad news or the good news?"


"Ummm, it doesn't matter." I'm sick, Mr.! Don't play games with me.


"No, you have to choose! That's how the game is played."


"Mm, ok, the bad news." Never choose that option first.


"Ok, well the bad news is you have the swine flu!" He seems so nonchalant about it. I sit there in my hoodie, hunched over like an invalid.


"You're kidding."

"Nope. But it's ok. We're not going to test you or give you any antivirals. Those are only given to people 65 years old and up. You should be fine in about seven days. The good news is that you won't get it this fall when it mutates and gets worse!"


That was the beginning of my seven day quarantine. What followed was a fever haze, moving from the couch downstairs to my bed to the couch upstairs, a lot of movies and being served vegetables and beans from my mom.


And now I'm finally feeling better. I seriously can't wait to be out in the world again.

Nugget of wisdom.

I'm reading a book recommended to me by Becca D. It's called Reaching Out by Henri J.M. Nouwen and I am absolutely loving it. Granted, I like books that have "steps" to achieving something and this book isn't like that but I'm getting a lot of nuggets out of it. My favorite part so far is in the section Reaching Out to Our Innermost Self. Rainer Maria Rilke is answering someone's question of, "should I be a poet?" His response is:

"You are looking outward and that above all you should not do now. Nobody can counsel and help you, nobody. There is only one single way. Go into yourself. Search for the reason that bids you to write; find out whether it is spreading out its roots in the deepest places of your heart, acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it were denied you to write. This above all-ask yourself in the stilled hour of your night: must I write? Delve into yourself for a deep answer. And if this should be affirmative, if you may meet this earnest question with a strong and simple "I must," then build your life according to this necessity..."

How beautiful is that? I feel like I've always struggled with the question, "what should I do with my life?" I am totally NOT where I thought I'd be at 25.5 years but that's not a bad thing. I have never felt more in tune with myself and God as I have the past two years. I still have a long way to go but I know that having the answer within my reach is a reality. One thing I know is that Spanish is something I must do. I know it with a sense of strength and motivation and a little bit of fear mixed in. And I am so thankful that God is giving me the ability to make it happen, whatever "it' will look like in the future.

I'm sorry about your burned bagel.

I worked 7-12 at the coffee shop on Monday. That was my first early morning shift and it was pretty freakin crazy. Tons of people, so many bagels (toasted or not toasted, with butter? what kind of cream cheese?), tons of coffee to brew...it was all pretty awesome. Except for when I didn't know what I was doing. The manager realized I had not been trained on what to do with the pastry items. I mean, obviously it's common sense stuff, but there's always a "way." Like, do you cut the muffin vertically or horizontally? Why are there two toasters and which setting do you use? So I was learning as I went.


Well, this particular morning there was a woman who looked like she was on her way to the hospital. White scrubs (or pink), kind of tired looking, a kind yet apprehensive face. Anyway, she wanted a plain bagel with butter to go and of course I used the new toaster that didn't have a label for the "perfect toast."


So I popped it in and waited. And by wait, I mean I took a ton more orders and got distracted and kind of forgot about it until it dinged and I realized it kind of burned. And there was still a huge line of people waiting for their order to be taken. And that poor nurse was just sitting at a table waiting for her damn bagel and I didn't know if I should a) toast another one and make her late for work or b) just give her the slightly singed one. I mean, late to work or dark bagel? In that split second I decided to just give her the burned bagel and hope for the best. She didn't say anything about it so I hope she was still able to enjoy it. If she looks worried about her breakfast next time I see her I'll probably tell her that I adjusted the toaster setting to "perfect."

It's not school but there's a learning curve.

This is me in the laundry room at my parent's house. (Note: I'm living at my parent's house...) I like to think that the dress project is sort of like my life. My life as I know it slash sewing are new to me and I and hope the finished product is wearable. (The dress turned out great, thanks to my mom.)

Since I've been home I've experienced a broad spectrum of feelings. I figured I would be totally great. You know, glad to be back but also looking forward to returning to CR for language school. Why would I be emotional? But I have been...not in a dramatic sort of way (except for that one time, Dad - I'm sorry), but in a "I'm not comfortable" sort of way.

It's strange living with my parents. They're great but I'm 25. I'm used to having my own place and doing my own thing. Not answering to anyone. I am so thankful for the time and space that I have to save money but it's definitely not easy.

I have two jobs right now - being a nanny and working at a coffee shop. I think this in-between stage is what I was always afraid of when I imagined myself quitting my 8-5, benefits, feeling-important jobs. But it's not that bad. Granted, I wouldn't want to do it past the summer, but if the plan goes well, I won't have to. I'll be back in Costa Rica doing language school by September.

The uncomfortable things in this stage like not having my own place, not being active in a church and feeling grossed out from all of the dairy and meat I've allowed myself to consume are just stepping stones. When we're doing something new, it's not comfortable. We have to ask for help and be willing to learn. Humbly. And that is probably the hardest lesson I will have to learn this summer. It's ok to need help as long as we ask for it.